One of the hardest things for me to process is how to accept being told “No.” To me, being told no is basically someone telling you that you’re just not good enough, even after you’ve worked your ass off and dedicated so much time to something. I mean it sounds good when people tell you “Oh it’s okay. This is just opening up a door for something bigger”, but let’s just face reality; the shit really hurts and it hurts BAD.
I don’t mean to sound like Perfect Patty, but I have been lucky enough to not have been told no most of my life. People usually recognize that I put my effort, heart, and dedication into everything that I’m passionate about, so I’m usually told “Yes” or “Of course” or my favorite “Good job Myleeza!”
But (yes here comes the but), since I graduated college and entered the dreaded “real world”, I’ve already started to get some of my real firsts. And today, I got my first real life no by my first real life boss. *cue the horror music*
It wasn’t a no, per say, but it was more of a “You’re not good enough right now Myleeza.”, which is even worse. She didn’t say it like that, of course, but that’s just how I took it cause the girl is just not used to being told no (and because I’m hella dramatic). She covered it with some “Don’t talk it personal” sprinkles and some “You’re still learning” chocolate chips, but at the end of the day, it was still a no and it still hurt, ya know? After leaving the office, I couldn’t help but wonder *Carrie Bradshaw voice*, how do you deal with being told no?
Of course, being the young 21 year old that I am, I quickly walked out of the office after our morning meeting and sat in my truck for a good 5 minutes in dead silence. I said to myself, “Was I just told that I wasn’t good enough?” and myself said “Wait, I think so!” I had to ask myself this out loud so I can let it all sink in. I drove home in dead silence and stopped to get a donut. Donuts make everything better. It’s scientifically proven. Don’t debate me. While eating my donut, I thought of 3 helpful ways that we can accept being told “No”.
1. I know it’s hard to believe it right now, but guess what? Life will go on! Shocker right? Life won’t stop because you didn’t make the team, didn’t get a job, or didn’t get accepted into your dream college. Life will go on and the world will continue to move. So do you wanna mope around and expect people to feel bad for you or are you going to wake up with that “You almost had me. You gotta be quicker than that!” mentality? I don’t know about y’all, but give me the “You gotta be quicker than that” mentality for $500 please Alex!
2.Think of all the times you were told yes, while other people were told no. Everyone can’t get a yes or a “You’re ready for the next step” every single time. If that was so, we would have like 200 kajillion American Idol winners. lol But seriously, think of the hurt they felt when they were told no and they watched you be told yes. Now, what makes you feel like you’re too good to feel that same hurt every once in a while? I just feel like the hurt of being told no builds character and work ethic. It gives you that mind set that makes you say I never wanna feel this feeling again.
3. BOSS TF UP. Let me say it a lil louder for the people in the back. BOSS TF UP. I hate to break the news to you, but no one is gonna be at your pitty party but you, my love. You gotta learn from the no’s and L’s. Right after I was told my first dreaded no, I went home and thought about everything I could fix about myself as a professional in my work place. For one, I always had a slight mug on my face because I just knew I would be working under Kim right now, not working for a marketing office. But hey…shit happens. You can’t always plan life. Secondly, I was lazy with no energy. Period. Lastly, I made too many excuses, my age being the main one. Ladies and gentlemen, age is not an excuse for you not to boss up. Can I get a witness? Take that no as a way to spark a fire to find your inner boss.
Hope this helped or inspired you in some way.